Coast to Coast: Kirkby Stephen to Keld, 11 miles, Tuesday 15th June

I’m what’s known in writing terms as an “unreliable narrator”. Events might be exaggerated slightly, or I might present myself in a somewhat better light than my travelling companions, for example by suggesting they’d hail a taxi the moment it gets a bit cloudy.

My fellow travellers, who are also reading this blog, have started to complain, so I thought I’d set the record straight. Here goes.

So far…

I’ve left my hat behind on the very first day of the walk, and made Spike run about a mile to retrieve it;

I’ve lied about the height of St Sunday Crag (see earlier blog) which Lia and Emma climbed, because I didn’t climb it. The actual height is 841 metres, not 650 as I’d recorded;

On the same day, I applied Spike’s factor 50 suntan lotion, thinking it was factor 10, and no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn’t sink in. Other walkers were taking a wide berth around me, and even three hours later, Lia wanted to rush me to hospital because I looked so pale;

While descending Kidsty Pike on the way to Shap, I slipped and executed a perfect parachute roll;

I’ve got a massive blister on my little toe, which may yet prove a problem over the next day or so;

Rather than acquiring a healthy dark tan like the others, my face has turned a ridiculous puce colour instead;

I’ve charged up the battery for the camera, but left the battery in the charger (hence no photos for that day);

I’m always the last one out of the hotels because I’m hopelessly disorganised, which I can tell irritates everyone else, who assume I’m doing it on purpose.

Well that’s that out of the way, so on with the walk.

Breakfast was overwhelming, like our Landlady, however I must confess that I have ruined my unbroken full English breakfast marathon, as I was definitely becoming egg-bound.

So instead I had a lovely fillet of poached haddock. With a poached egg on top.

Today’s been another day of excellent weather, and the waterproofs have remained in the rucksacks once more.

Lia, Emma and I set off from the Jolly Farmers guesthouse at 9am. Sadly Amanda and Spike chose not to join us, for reasons described yesterday.

Within minutes we were lost, unable to find the way out of Kirkby Stephen. I think I can safely say this wasn’t our ineptitude, as we encountered many other Coasters similarly lost.

Eventually we got out of the town and started the long climb across Hartley Fell to Nine Standards Rigg, 562 metres above sea level.

This is a significant geological location, as it lies on the watershed of Britain. Waters to the west of here flow towards the Irish sea; to the east, they flow towards to North sea. Interesting eh?

This was also the point at which we entered our second National Park, the Yorkshire Dales.

After a brief rest we started a steady three mile downhill trek through “The Peat Bog From Hell”, searching for a route that didn’t leave us up to our necks in soggy peat. Literally.

On the way up we’d passed our old friends Captain Beaky and his wife, and on the way down were overtaken by Striding Man, but only once this time as he appears to have abandoned his burdensome family. No sign of Yanks #1 and #2 – yet.

Eventually we arrived in the tiny hamlet of Ravenseat, where the kindly farmer’s wife provided a welcoming pot of tea for three, and a cream tea for one (that being me, as I was absolutely starving having only had a bit of fish and one egg for breakfast). All for only £3.50.

Anyone who’s seen Julia Bradbury’s Coast to Coast TV series will recall that she interviewed this kindly farmer’s wife. So I thought I’d interview her as well, and find out the answer to the question on everyone’s mind: did Julia come striding down from Nine Standards Rigg, as suggested by the series? Or did she turn up with a full camera and sound crew from the nearby main road, do the interview and then disappear off to a nearby five star hotel for the  night, before being chauffeured off to the next location?

Suffice it to say that the Farmer’s Wife and her husband shared with me the full facts of what really happened on that day’s filming…

We then took a leisurely stroll following the Swale river, arriving six hours after setting off, at our destination for the night; the smirkingly named Butt House.

Despite the name though, it’s a lovely guest house, and definitely one of the better places that we’ve stayed in so far. They even provided us with Black Sheep ale on arrival, which is my favourite beer, much better than that Jennings stuff we’ve finally left behind.

So all in all a very agreeable day today, and definitely the easiest so far.

What about Spike & Amanda?

They wandered around Kirkby Stephen for a bit, then got a taxi to Keld as soon as it got a bit cloudy. Spike is definitely feeling better and even joined me at the guest house for a Black Sheep. Or two. Followed by a nice bottle of wine.

Amanda’s blister still looks painful but hopefully she’s on the mend as well.

One last fact: we are now officially half way through the walk!

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Blister count: Lia 1, Chris 1, Amada 1 HUGE one

Consecutive Full English Breakfasts: 8 (no change from yesterday)

Arguments: 0 – we must be getting on after all